


Ticking of the Clock

by AsheCorinthos



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship/Love, Helplessness, Loss, Love, Oneshot, Romance, Sickness, Sunsets, Time Ticking Away, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-09
Updated: 2016-03-09
Packaged: 2018-06-04 04:10:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6640909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsheCorinthos/pseuds/AsheCorinthos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"As long as I have you by my side, I can face anything." </p><p>-of lost time and brilliant sunsets, and the cruelty of knowing you can't change the inevitable.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ticking of the Clock

**60 Years**

* * *

Laughing, Rin happily snuggles into the side of her warm and oh-so-inviting boyfriend, nuzzling into his soft shirt as he wraps a strong arm around her to pull her in. Her cheeks are rosy with giddy cheer, her heart pounding loud enough she feels he can also hear it, a relentless drum that goes crazy whenever she's able to be so close.

Spending time with him always puts her in a good mood. Len, her kind and protective sweetheart and her first love. Childhood friends that became so, so much more than that, to the point where she feels their souls themselves are connected. Some would call it foolish to fall so fast and hard in love at seventeen, but she honestly couldn't care less. There was never a time she was happier than when he confessed to her, blushing and cute and incredibly awkward as he held a bouquet of her favorite flowers- yellow carnations- and asked her out in a voice so fragile it cracked under the weight of his words.

She still counts that as her favorite day- nearly a year before, but just as clear as if it were yesterday.

Their relationship was so solidly grounded that their bond continued to strengthen as time passed, memories both good and bad made together. Jokingly, she calls him her good luck angel; teasing him about his sweet personality and 'heavenly tendencies'. (It's become a fun pastime to watch him turn red and flustered.)

Fondly she reminds herself of just how well she fits into the space at his side, vaguely able to catch the scent of the musky cinnamon cologne he wears that she loves. It's familiar and soothing to her, always able to bring comfort even when she's stressed out- along with his natural ease and calm demeanor. Len never loses his head in tough situations, unlike her. He keeps her sane even when she feels pressed in from all directions by her issues.

His fingers card through the hair at the base of her neck idly, causing her to shiver slightly at the loving motion. There is nothing better than when he plays with her hair and brushes his fingertips ever-so-gently along her skin, raising goosebumps in his wake. He learned to do that a long time ago, and is the only person she permits to touch her that way.

Lounging on his couch beside him as the tv drones on with a rather boring sitcom she has since forgotten the name of (but since he likes it, she doesn't mind joining him as long as it makes him smile,) the setting sun outside the living room casting everything in a scarlet glow, it gives the entire scene a dream-like feel. This in itself is utter perfection- a single moment that she knows she'll never replace for the rest of her life. One piece of time she'll store away in her treasure trove of memories to look back on and smile at.

"Hey… Len?" she murmurs to the quiet air, her ear pressed to his chest. (She can't help grinning at the fact his heartbeat picks up at the sound of her voice, a small bird fluttering its wings just for her.)

"Hmm?" The response is low, drawled in a sleepy manner as his hand continues to trace lazy circles over the smooth curve where her neck and shoulder meet.

"Will we always get to be like this?" Rin inquires this of herself at least five times a day, but has yet to bring it to his attention. Now though, when everything is delicate and peaceful and nothing feels impossible, it seems the right time to voice it.

"Huh? What do you mean?" Curiosity is evident in the question, and she moves her head to look up at his expression, meeting the valor blue gaze trained on her that never fails to set her on fire.

"I mean, will we always be, you know… _this._ " She raises the hand resting over his abdomen to make a sweeping gesture. "Happy, together… Do you think it'll always be like this for us?"

Rin can feel the muscles around her tensing a bit, and he's silent in thought for a few moments before answering. With a brilliant, heart-melting smile, he moves to kiss the top of her head.

"Of course I do, Rin." Nothing but confidence laces his words. He embraces her tightly, holding her to his chest with a warmth that engulfs her completely. "I love you, you know that, right?"

She returns his grin with pleasure. "Right. I love you too." She's never been one to say such things so easily, always thinking them sacred and special, ruined quickly by false feelings and misinterpreted urges that tear the magic from them until they're nothing but empty promises and broken hearts. But, with Len, she knows- it's all so very real, and nothing about those words is fake or wrong. She loves him- more than anyone, more than anything.

He readjusts their positions so he can gain easier access to her, closing some of the distance between them so their noses brush. "We have all the time in the world. Sixty years at the least," he tells her with a slight joking tone, his breath tickling her cheeks and earning a giggle as he cups her face in one hand. "So no worries. As long as I have you, I'll never let you go."

When he leans in to kiss her, her heart jumps for joy as she replays those words, allowing her elation to course through her. _We have all the time in the world._ She'd be lying if she said she wasn't looking forward to that- every day with him, every second she'll spend with him starting now. Nothing would stand in the way of her and the boy who owns her heart.

She would remember these days forever, tinged in sunshine and the illustrious dream of tomorrow.

* * *

**60 Months**

* * *

"What's going on? What's _happening_?!"

Rin's repeated these same words over and over for the last hour- at least, it seems like an hour. She can't _think._ Everything is a messy white blur- the sterilized rooms, the rushing orderlies and doctors, and nothing, _nothing,_ makes sense because she doesn't understand why she's even _here._ How did she get here? How did things get to this point?

Her throat is scraped raw as a result of her pained crying. Her eyes are burning from her constant tears, and she's in full-on panic mode despite her exhaustion. The hard plastic chair she's seated on, she doesn't even remember falling into. Her hands are shaking, and she grips her jeans in both hands to stop her from breaking things in her angry frustration.

One phone call is all it took before she had literally torn through the nighttime streets, driving recklessly in her rush. She couldn't stop hearing those same words, repeating them like a worn out chant until she felt them start to eat away at her mind. His mother's tearful voice as she fought to keep control long enough to tell her the news.

_Len is in the hospital._

What horrible words. She didn't know why, didn't _need_ to know just yet- her mind wouldn't have been able to register it anyway. Rin only knew that she had to go there right away, to see him, to know he was okay, that her beloved would be alright. He's so much stronger than she is, how could he possibly have been admitted into the hospital-?

"Rin!" The form of Len's mother enters the girl's vision, and it takes only a second for her to jump up to accept the older woman's hug, her chest constricting in fear as endless scenarios for what may have occurred cross through her mind.

"Mrs. Kagamine, what happened?" She's afraid to ask, afraid of a single word that the woman says because she can't _bear it_ , even if she doesn't know what it is. _It could be nothing_ , she tries to reason, _it could be nothing it could be nothing it_ -

The lone woman takes in a shuddering breath that seems to rattle her entire frame. Her eyes are puffy red from weeping- much like Rin's own, she's sure. "Len had- had a seizure, Rin, and they aren't quite sure what happened, but they think it's- it's some kind of tumor. They're going to run tests on him, but- I'm so scared. His father had the same problems, and I…"

At this point, the blonde girl stops listening. It's as if the ground below her feet has fallen away, leaving her to an endless fall into black nothingness as her world crumbles. _A seizure? Len? A tumor?_ The words don't mix, refusing to make sense in her thoughts. It can't be possible. Len's always been healthy, he's the stronger one, he's always the one arguing over the protein of a banana and running track- something this sudden can't be to him. There's no way. Len can't be here. It has to be someone else. _It has to be someone else!_

In those few moments, her perfect, sunset-tinted world was stained in black.

* * *

**60 Weeks**

* * *

_Tick tock._ The hands of the clock above his bed seem so much louder than they used to be.

His hand is much too cold within hers, and she slowly rubs more life into it, the familiarity of his touch too strained and different than it should be. It bothers her so, so much, that he's here. Sitting prone and pained in a bed that has held countless others before, where he is unable to help the fate set upon him so wrongfully.

For a while, he did alright. Len was able to leave the hospital, return to normalcy. His words comforted her far more than anything else, because it was _him_ saying it'd be alright, _he_ was the one who continued to allow her to dream of a brighter future.

" _It'll be okay, Rin, I promise. I'll pull out of this, y'know? I can get through this. As long as I have you by my side, I can face anything."_ Words spoken with his trademark cheesy grin and a chaste kiss to her forehead, meant to soothe her as she pretended to be half as confident in him as he was. In reality, she isn't sure whether she really did believe him, or if she wanted to make sure he wasn't as afraid of it as she was.

When the treatments he was getting didn't seem to work like they should, she tried so hard to think positively, to hope that maybe there could be an alternative to the dreary, crushing destiny she felt loomed over him. It still chased her into dark places, haunted her dreams, squeezed her inside until she dry-heaved and fell to the floor of her room screaming _please, end this torture stop hurting him don't do this to us-_

Len somehow remained cheery. He kept smiling no matter what was thrown at him. " _You'll need more medication." "This treatment isn't working as well as we hoped." "Your stay at the hospital will be prolonged a while longer."_ He faced it all with a steelier will than she had imagined he had. He was still _himself_ , still cracking jokes, playing around with her. If she didn't know better, she would have thought him still perfectly untouched, her angel safe from harm.

Rin turns to glance out the brightly illuminated window of his room, taking in the purple-and-orange streaked sky as the sun sets once again. The sweet, innocent beauty of it makes even her smile despite her darkened thoughts, and she forces some semblance of happiness into her mind.

Even if she feels that she could lose everything, she won't yet give in. There is always a _chance._ Some sliver of a chance that everything will be alright. She has to hold onto that; if nothing else but to support him.

As she lightly shakes his arm so he won't miss the sight of one of the more breathtaking sunsets, she allows the tiniest blossom of hope to bloom in her heart.

For him, she will continue to hope for a happy ending-

-even if her time with him continues to be cut short little by little.

* * *

**60 Days**

* * *

"Len, what are we doing here? This isn't safe!"

The blonde girl takes cautious steps toward her boyfriend, a light breeze blowing wispy tendrils of her hair into her face. Being on the roof of the hospital is restricted, of course, but he absolutely insisted on coming up here despite her every protest.

He doesn't respond right away. Instead, he looks out at the fading shine of the sunset, the colors already beginning to change from vibrant oranges and reds to deep purple and sapphire. Like this, she hates it- hates seeing him, so close but so far from her, as if there are miles separating the two and she won't ever catch up.

"I've missed this," she catches the barely spoken words as they float by her. "I've missed being able to just- just _see_ this. Without everything else around to remind me that I'm not supposed to."

"Len…?" She approaches him slowly. "We can't be up here. You know that. You're not strong enough yet." _Yet._ That word doesn't feel like nearly enough, because it promises something that seems just out of reach.

"I… I know, Rin. But just for- for awhile. I want to stay here." He turns his head to look at her, his soulful eyes tinted near black in shadow. "Let me see this sunset. Just one more time."

She takes in his form, his once muscular figure turned weak and fragile, so much more easily broken, the messily knit tangerine cap she made for him set on fire by the light. (She remembers him laughing, happy when she presented it to him, when his hair started to fall away and show his sickness. " _I'll always wear it. It reminds me of you and your insane love of oranges,"_ he had lovingly teased her.)

"This- this isn't the last time you'll see one!" she responds adamantly, forcing her words not to crack. "Don't say things like that!"

His resounding silence drives a sharp knife home into her heart, and she _knows_ he doesn't believe her, and it terrifies her. It's like he's given up his fight, and there is no way she wants him to lose.

He wobbles slightly, and she pauses at his side. She wants to touch him, to tug him into her arms and murmur every comforting phrase she can muster; but she knows none of that is worth the breath or time. She's exhausted them all over and over, and her inability to help him makes her feel like nothing more than garbage. What good is she if she can't even save the one person she loves most?

"Len, I-"

"I'm so sick of it!" Her sentence is interrupted by his harsh, angry voice, taking her aback as he fists his hands into his eyes, trembling. "I'm so tired of this, Rin. I just want it to stop."

She's left speechless while he continues, his words hurried, like he's afraid he doesn't have enough time to say it all. "I hate being sick like this. I hate being in pain. I miss being able to go _home_ and be normal. I don't understand why this happened to _me,_ Rin. It's terrifying. I don't want to _die,_ but it keeps getting worse and I already know that there's _nothing_ I can do to change it. I hate seeing my mom always worried over me, like she expects me to just keel over any minute. I can't do this!" Hot tears crest down his cheeks, the first time she's seen him cry since the ordeal began, and her heart shatters into pained, irreparable shards. "I miss when I could walk without feeling like I'm about to fall over- I miss track and going out with you and being able to just see a sunset and enjoy it, because each time I always ask myself 'is this the last time I'll be able to'? I can't even _see_ like I used to. Everything is blurred and I'm reminded every time I open my eyes that it's still _there._ I'm still sick and it's never going to get better."

Rin stares at him, at the weeping boy far too young to worry about this, the person he once was nothing but a shell he embodies while she stupidly believed he was okay. She deluded herself into thinking he could still be himself, unbreakable, invincible during a trying time like this- but she should have known better. Len is only human, and she foolishly pretended he was the immortal, inhuman being she pictured.

She knows his crumbling under the pressure is partly her fault, and guilt washes over her. Without hesitation, she wraps her arms around him and buries her face into his chest, offering the only support she has. "I'm so sorry," she mumbles, "I'm so, so sorry, Len."

He returns the embrace, pressing her into him, his nose in her hair. "I'm so afraid. I'm not ready to lose everything yet. I wanted to have another sixty years with you, Rin- I wanted to be with you for so, so much longer than this. I would give anything to have more time," he whispers, his tone filled with agony.

Her hands ball into his shirt, and she allows herself to hold him as he cries, closing her eyes and hoping, praying that there is any other alternative. This isn't how she wanted things to end- she doesn't want to lose him like this, and the time she had with him doesn't feel like it's nearly enough. There was supposed to be years, an eternity to spend alongside him. Now it's all gone up in smoke, and there is nothing she can do to fix it.

Each tick of the clock brings her one step closer to the day she dreads, and no matter how hard she tries to fight it, it breaks through her hastily put up defenses to send her careening back into reality. It's been her illusion to believe that it would all end well and she and Len would still get their happy ending- but it's been just that, an illusion meant to placate the both of them. This all-too real terror, the inevitability that's come crashing down around her; it's a painful reminder that nothing is always sunshine and roses, and she stayed in her perfect, untouched bubble for too long.

Fate would still cruelly rip away what she loves, no matter how much she cherishes it.

* * *

**60 Minutes**

* * *

She's been rendered completely immobile. She can't feel anything below her neck- she feels like very limb has been torn from her.

It couldn't be. Not after the fight, not after the months of battling he went through- they can't simply say there's no hope. They can't. _They can't!_

" _It's progressed too far. The best you can hope for is a smooth, painless transition into death. It could be a few hours from now, to a few days. We're sorry-"_

_No!_

Her fists slam into the tacky wallpaper of the waiting room suddenly, sobs wracking through her thin body. He can still make it, they're wrong, _they're wrong and he won't_ _die_ _, he can't he can't he can't-!_

Why did it have to be him? Why couldn't it have been anyone else? Selfish thoughts like these swirl through her head endlessly, and she doesn't care that she's causing a scene, that she's being stared at. Grief is the only thing she can focus on, because she's not ready for it to be the end. There are still so many things she wants to do with him! There are so many places she wanted to take him, so many more moments she wanted to share with Len. It's not fair, he can't be taken away from her like this-!

Sliding down the wall, the surface cold against her hot cheek and her tears wetting the paper, she hugs her arms to her torso and rocks, pain unlike any other tearing new holes into her already stained and scarred heart.

She keeps repeating the last few months in her head, the moments she remembers from her time visiting him- her failed attempt to sneak him chocolate, the time when his best friend Kaito stole into his room to give him comic books, his breakdown on the roof. A group photograph of the two of them and their friends taken before the symptoms really started to show that she keeps in her bag at all times, when a nurse found the two of them kissing because Len's heart rate had caused the monitor to panic, the moment they told him he couldn't leave the hospital. The sad and good memories mixed in like an unruly concoction of heartbreak and hope, and it causes her to crash further into despair.

Her fingernails dig into the wall, and she can hear Len's mother weeping. She's about to lose her only son- Rin can't even begin to imagine what that must feel like. Could her pain be equal to hers, or overshadow it? If it's anything like how she feels right now, the girl feels sorry for the older woman.

No more than a few days with him. Could that really be it? Could it end so quickly, so fast and unexpected and tragic, like a scene in a corny movie? If only it were an act, because then he would be okay, he would _live_ and she wouldn't ever have to feel this mind-destroying torment.

She knew the fight would end one way or another- but she had hoped, somehow, some _way_ , that she was cheering on the winning side.

She finds herself repeating Len's words, spoken what seemed so long ago-

- _I would give anything to have more time._

* * *

**60 Seconds**

* * *

"Hey, Len. How are you feeling?"

His skin is cold. Far too cold. She raises his hand to her lips, blowing warmth onto the pale smoothness.

"I've been thinking about you. Like always, you know? Remembering old times. Wanna walk down memory lane for awhile?"

Her throat is too tight, and she swallows hard to remove the large lump embedded there. In the background, the low hum of the monitor creates a dull throbbing in the back of her mind.

"How about the first time we kissed? It was so funny watching you fumble around like a dope, trying to figure out what to do." A small, mirthless chuckle. "It was a pretty awkward first kiss, but I loved it anyway."

The emptiness in the air rings through her, stronger than the dead silence after a heavy snowfall. Rin brushes her lips along his thumb softly.

"Do you remember when I tried to make you breakfast while you were sick? I nearly burned your house down. I still can't believe you ate those black omelettes without complaining. You always did everything you could to make me smile. I don't think I ever told you how much I appreciated that."

A soundless tear leaves a glistening trail down her pallid cheek.

"I went through that silly little photo album you gave me from years back. We were such weird kids. I had almost forgotten all the things we did together in the old days. You were with me even then, too."

It's getting harder and harder to force words out, and she's fighting back open sobs. Nuzzling his unresponsive hand, her fingers tighten around his.

"I've been… trying to remember everything. I don't want to forget a single moment I spent with you, because… because I won't get any more," she hiccups. "I'm so afraid of losing you, Len, but I know it's been hard doing this all by yourself. I hope you never thought you were a burden on me. I never thought that of you. I wish you could have… relied on me."

Pressing butterfly kisses to the back of his hand, she closes her eyes, wishing she could stifle the tears. Rin promised herself she'd be strong up until the end. She didn't want Len to see her crying like this- he'd worry about her, she's positive.

"I want… I want to thank you, so much. Thank you for… for brightening my life. Thank you for loving me, for bringing me so much happiness and reminding me of how beautiful the sunsets are. Whenever I see one, I'll think of you- my wonderful angel… who was taken back."

She rises from her chair, releasing his hand on a second to look at his face. His brilliant, thoughtful cerulean eyes are closed, and his chest rises and falls slowly under the thin blanket covering him. She takes in a shaky breath, leaning in and pressing a short, longing kiss to his lips, savoring the last time she'll ever be able to touch him like this, and wishing with all her heart that he was able to respond.

Pulling away, she again takes his hand in hers. (Vaguely, she wonders if hers is colder than his own.)

"I want you to know that I will never forget any of it. You will always be the most special person in my life. I'll always remember the times we shared, the beautiful moments that I was lucky enough to have with you. Maybe some day, we'll get to be reunited. Wouldn't that… be nice?"

Rin clears her throat again, pushing herself for the last few words because if she doesn't hurry, she'll never say them.

"I don't want this to be goodbye. I'm going to miss you so much, Len, every day. I'll miss your cute, lopsided smile; the way you always flicked your bangs out of your face when you were irritated. The kindness you showed everyone, the softness of kissing you and the secure feeling I got whenever you held me. I… What I wouldn't give to have more time with you," she weeps. "I would give anything to have another day with you by my side. But, I… I'm glad. In the end I'm so glad to have known you, Len."

"I really, really love you. I love you," she murmurs through her tears, her heart sinking. "I just want you to know that."

In that moment, for a split second, she thinks she catches the smallest hint of a smile on his face. And somehow, she hears exactly what he would have said, just as his last breath leaves his body.

" _And I love you. You know that, right?"_

.X.

"Things are going well lately. School's still same-old same-old. Graduation's next week, and you won't believe this- but Kaito's actually graduating with the class. I know! I can't imagine it either! He's dating Gumi now- apparently he had the biggest crush on her. Bet you already knew that, though."

Rin laughs to herself, running her fingertips over the petals of the yellow carnations and daffodils beside her.

"I can't stay long today. I've got, like, this mountain of homework to finish, and then I'm going shopping with your mom. She's kind of lonely lately, so I figured I'd hang out with her. I know you'd want me to. Did I tell you that I'm going to start learning piano? I'm pretty excited. Make sure to cheer me on, okay?"

Looking out, the girl smiles to herself as she examines the sky, a warm expression written over her face as she leans back against thick stone.

"Ah.. you made the sunset extra beautiful for me today, didn't you? You must have known I was coming to visit. Thank you, Len. I appreciate that."

She sighs slowly, taking in the vast expanse above her head colored in varying hues of scarlet and amethyst, pink, blue and yellow mixing into an amazing swirl of color. It embodies him, she knows.

"I'm glad I got to see this one with you. I can't wait to see tomorrow's beside you, too."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I cried like 8 times (no joke) writing this. My eyes are burning. Why did I choose to write this. Why.
> 
> I wrote this listening to 'Story Of Evil- Music Box ver.' (this explains /a lot/) and 'Vaicarious'.
> 
> If you enjoyed, let me know! Anyway, thanks for reading this!
> 
> Read on~!
> 
> ~Disclaimer~ I own only vibrant sunsets and painful yet beautiful memories.


End file.
